unduplikateable

Sometimes you need to bite your lip.

2011-06-16T13:51:00.000-04:00

Recently i was eating some cauliflower. I bit my upper lip. You might already be bored, but really think about it - when was the last time you bit you UPPER lip? logistically, i don't even understand how the lip got into the space between my teeth. its not like i'm old and my lips are getting droopy like my cheeks (butt reference). lips don't sag luckily, or 95% of the black skinned population would be needed some serious surgeries. anyway it hurt. avoid repeating.

Irony.

2011-06-03T10:58:00.000-04:00

I bought a self-help tape the other day. It was called " How to handle
disappointment." When I opened the box it was empty....

Simple Joys of ELLIOT.

2011-05-07T12:46:00.000-04:00

Seriously, this kid makes me smile so big when I think about how excited he was to kiss his friend "on the lips" :D I think I might document my next "first kiss" and see if I can't get any fist pumping or high five action from a boy....

check out his face at :27 what a pimp.
he kind of reminds me of my cousin's son Con.

10 yr old Thoughts

2011-05-06T20:14:00.000-04:00

I started babysitting for an upperclass family with two twin girls, ages 10, both "redheads". Its been really fun because they are a little sassy and I can tease them and they can basically do everything for themselves - i.e. wipe their own butt, wash their own dishes, brush their teeth, change their clothes, etc.

In Lieu of Cinco de Mayo, I asked the mom to leave some money so we could go eat at a Mexican Restaurant to celebrate. She left me $40, to which we spent $30 (the girls wanted Hagen-Dazs ice cream too..duh) then she didn't want the change back. Essentially, I also made $10 for celebrating a Mexican Holiday. Boo YAH!

We passed a wedding dress shop while driving to the restaurant and they girls really wanted to go back and look at them after dinner. So we did. I was nosing around, asking side questions to the girls about the parents marriage. So the mom was 36 when she got married, 38 when she had the twins. So she's like 50something now and still married. They pointed out to me that I was so lucky that my mom was young when I was growing up. "Our mom is so old and we are ONLY 10!" So apparently going to St. Kitt's for a 14 day vacation (the most recent vacation) doesn't in any way make up for being an old mom. HAHA

Sophia: I want to have kids when I'm still young. Like when I'm 30.
Me: haha
Marina: How old do you want to be when you have kids.
Me: ummm....30 (completely arbitrary number dependent on external factors out of my control)
Sophia: Oh....you need get on that!
Me: yup I should probably get on that
Marina: First you need to have a boyfriend. Do you have a boyfriend?
Me: nope
Sophia: Well you should ask a boy out.
Me: oh ok.
Marina: Do you know any boys?
Me: yup I know a couple
Sophia: Well could you call them?

Then they both just stared at me!!!!! It was like the innermost desire of my parents had penetrated the souls of these young children to haunt me 2,200 miles away!! hahahahahaha I said maybe I could call them this week. Yes, I sleep fine knowing I've lied to small children. If only life were as simple as the thought process of a ten year old.

JEWISH

2011-04-10T22:21:00.000-04:00

As an honorary Jew - as my new Jewish friend likes to call me because I have asked her like 10,000 questions about her faith - I feel a debt to help a sister out! My friend, Julia, is in a FB contest to win a new wig! When Jewish girls get married, it is a religious custom (i think that's the correct word) to cover their hair in public. I had NO idea and one day my Jewish friends were all together and they told me they were wearing wigs. I almost died. Mind you - it was my first experience with wig usage.

-- Sidenote: my grandma Melba was a wig wearer i believe. I new she had some wigs, but i never knew how often she wore them or if she even did. most definitely i never saw her take it off.

So if you have facebook PLEASE PLEASE take 2 minutes and "like" these links for my friend!!!

CAN YOU HELP MY FAVORITE JEWISH/MOTHER of 3/FT OT STUDENT/WIFE/RUSSIAN/1st PERSON I MET IN JERSEY/FRIEND OUT?
Please do BOTH of the following:
1. Click on Chaya's Precuts page and "like" it here: http://is.gd/0ODlgR
2. Then "like" Julia Jaman's comment here: http://is.gd/EHQoRg
Thanks so much -ONLY A WEEK LEFT TO DO THIS! Spread the word!

I should really be depressed about now.

2011-04-05T10:58:00.000-04:00

My name is Kate Foster and I would like to introduce myself as a potential graduate of the class of 2014. 2014?! Yes! You are probably remembering how I once told you that I would graduate in 2013 right? That's true. After having epically failed yet another test in grad school I am easing myself into the pain and embarrassment of possible being held back in grad school. I still have one chance for redemption which will hopefully be just that redeeming. So i might be exaggerating just a little, I think I'll still make it for 2013. Butt if not, don't be surprised. haha.

Please don't be discouraged, cause I am actually in great spirits. The man at the main gate made me promise to have a good day before he would give me a temporary parking pass. He's quite the jolly black man and who can really say no to that? Not I. I also have consumed a RedBull and Redline energy drink which are treating me swimmingly. Earlier this morning I also practiced hula hooping while eating a breakfast burrito, minus the hula hoop, in my living room. I think its one of the few times I have actually eaten breakfast at 6 am. Not the first time I've practiced my hula skills without the hoop though. This morning I also had to pick up a friend from La Guardia airport - just a quick trip in NYC! woot woot! The view driving across the George Washington bridge into the city is SO great! I wouldn't necessarily describe it as beautiful but there are SO many 'UGE buildings and lights and no sun anywhere! Such a Sight!

So if you think today might be a lame day you should think about a jolly middle aged black man who demands you have a good day and seriously don't worry, be happy.

"Let me hear that toot toot" - USHER

2011-03-27T23:41:00.000-04:00

So I've really no idea what exactly Usher was talking about. I'm 99% positive it should have some sort of sexual connotation, but not surprisingly I don't get it. If we were to take him seriously, it's safe to say I've got a case of the toots.

I don't have a gas mask on, I have accustomed myself quit well, but you would definitely want one. The scent is remarkable close to that of rotten eggs. I can understand that though because I recently, within the hour, ate some egg salad. The correlating smell between the food ingested and toot released is not, however, common place.

The thing that has been on my mind lately is why things come out smelling so terrible. I eat a lot of things that don't smell like anything and they come out so stenchy that the paint is peeling off the wall in some places. And why the color change? Everything seems to turn brown or green. I would be very satisfied if I ate strawberries and sugar and excreted pink poopies - even if they did smell like homelessness. It just makes more sense and I like things that make sense.

One thing that makes sense is to light a match after to punish the bathroom instead of spraying smelly stuff. Spraying smelly stuff is equivalent to a "mexican shower". That involves no shower to eliminate the smell just lots of cologne to cover it up. You probably are thinking I shower burrito style a lot. Its semi-true. Butt I never mexican shower my poopies. You simple light a match which burns up all the oxygen in the air and basically eats the smell away. You are left with a slight burnt match smell.

gag me.

2011-03-21T09:50:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I feel jealous of people. instead of just admitting in the quiet confines of my brain that I would really like to experience what that person is experiencing I have found myself using the phrase

" Oh Gross. What a ________."

What goes in that blank space really isn't the important part, and often times it changes, but the whole time its a degrading term not of endearment. It can actually be really entertaining to stop and think about the words I invent to express my detestation.

Sometimes the phrase that comes to mind is actually "Gag me with a spoon."

And I think - "What is gagging, like crying, could actually be a nonverbal form of happy communication OR disgust.

Child: Mommy, whats wrong? Are you disgusted?

Mom: Oh no Charlie! I am just so happy for Georgie, these are crocodile gags.

Oops, be careful! There goes my lunch.

Chilean Bike Race.

2011-03-18T12:43:00.000-04:00

It appears the man is wearing a pin-stripe suit. ps. I openly gasped at some parts. Loco.

The Red Flags of Life

2011-03-07T22:56:00.000-05:00

I guess that there are some things that exist in life that are what we would consider to be truth. I have a teacher that doesn't believe in absolute truth or something to that extent. She states it sometimes and I feel like she wants someone to point out the fallacies in it to which she will respond with numerous examples of why there is no such thing as absolute truth. So I just think in my mind that her paradigm is pretty stupid. Everything is not relative. But this debate about absolute and relative truth forever will span the philosophical world. It could be that I'm christian (technically i am katie, i didn't get a sex change and change my name - christian is a broad religious affiliation. it means i believe in Christ) and she's agnostic. When I think about it though - I think its just because i'm logical and reasonable and kind and she's retarded and resorts to passive aggressive conflict management that we will never see eye to eye.

I, however, will continue to believe in absolute truth - and the following is why.

I feel that I've previously written about how everyone, including my 5 yr old niece (what the heck does she know about cooking from a recipe? she freakin' eats raw mushrooms!!) tells me "cooking is so easy, all you have to do is follow a recipe!" and I could link that post into this post, but let's be honest - i've never reread anything i've posted so why would you? so many blogs to stalk, so little time. you probably wish i'd get to the point.

I CAN'T COOK.

yes i can read. yes i can follow simple instructions. yes i can still create inedible things. its important to remember the truths of life so that they can govern your future choices. you see, if i would have remembered that I can't cook I wouldn't have encouraged myself to make lemon bars for FHE tonight. and i would have created a back up plan. but i'd gotten lucky these last two weeks with my kitchen/stove/food/mouth interactions and somehow forgotten the truth. when you forget truth you have no choice but to believe in foolery which is also known as lies. when you put a whole bunch of lies together you start to see red flags. when you see red flags you should stop and not continue with whatever action you were doing. red flag most black people don't like lemon bars. red flag. that's like taking pig brain to an upperclass party of white people. morally wrong. there were lots of red flags. but sometimes you just keep going past all those red flags and you push your luck. its not like i didn't see those red flags waving. i just thought they were being friendly so I waved back.

the truth about making something that has to be baked twice is that you get an extra chance for burning it if you get lucky the first round! so next time i get excited and try to trick you into thinking i can cook, don't believe the foolery. absolute truth exists. and when i threw these away i thought about putting them in the rubber recycling bin.

I Met a Man.

2011-02-12T14:39:00.000-05:00

minus the smooth dj and 3/4 of the people
our dj was..."different"

Last night I meant a man. Lets squelch all thoughts of marriage, that is not of what I speak. Mormon dances pull a slew of people out of their stuffy apartments in search of too many things. There's some who don't even like to dance and are bothered by loud music. BUTT, what if some YSA somewhere else doesn't like the music either and they too sit on the side and a budding romance forms? Yes, you must leave and go to them! Side note: they are also FREE which is a fair incentive as dance clubs are sometimes 10-15 bucks to get in. (Not that I actually know, because I have been too occupied with free things..)

I left my apartment that evening sporting a pair of black heels hoping someone with enchilada genes would pity my strained hip movements and my two left feet and raise me up to a higher level of "Latina-ness". Rarely do I leave my house with a goal in mind, i think this was key to how my story ends.

So the dance, and did I mention this was supposed to be a Latin dance?, proceeds with table sitting. Some refreshments - boxes of donut holes, rice, pork, lemonade and water. A dance with my friend that drove us there.

I don't know what happened. I was walking to my table to sit. Mid-walk blink.....I was whirled into the middle of the dance floor. Unblink and I'm staring into the eyes of a wiry man with a dark hat. I blinked again and he was still there, so I assumed i should go along with it. I had seen this man at previous dances. He carries a black satchel, which carries his black dancing shoes. He has moves that top the moves of the inventor of dancing. And the majority of Mormon tools mock him because he owns the dance floor and burns in your mouth like a succulent, spicy jalepeno. (WHOA - that is in no way a fact I can prove I have never had a jalepeno. My fingers just got out of control. please excuse them.)

Back to the story: Was it fate or destiny or an accident that I was being held closer to his chest than I anticipated? It makes no difference, the first two are nearly synonymous anyway.

"What dance is this?"
Eyes locked with mine, he quietly whispers, "It doesn't matter."

reinactment of the way
i perceived my mid-song
dip by two people on google.com

Luckily I had worn my Bachata Pants, no those are not spanish sweat pants, and my heels so we danced. Let's just all get on the same page here, for you non-dancers, Latin dancing is about seduction. Being Latin is about being able to seduce. Ex: Gloria from Modern Family.

The dance proceeded and this man awesomely seduced me. Consider yourself spared from the details but in the middle of the dance when you find yourself being dipped - just give in and let the Bachata Pants do the rest.

Real Love

2011-02-01T13:03:00.000-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OD74kZmYGn4

The Endowment

2011-01-04T14:20:00.000-05:00

The endowment in lieu of Mormon vocabulary is a spiritual/symbolic/physical GIFT that is given to a person when they covenant with God to live in a specific way in buildings called temples. There's a lot more that can be said, but its really a beautiful concept. I am home for winter break from school and 2 of my good friends are getting married in LDS Temples. The actual "sealing" of the matrimony doesn't really take long. There is a script-like set of words that are spoken and the bride and groom agree to be married for time and all eternity and they kiss and happiness fills the room and mothers cry and fathers rejoice and blah blah blah. The blah blah blah part involves everyone hugging - definitely NOT my favorite part. In my opinion the best part is before the sealing. So a man comes in a talks and they are ALWAYS so wise and learned and they just talk and teach about the endowment. I always wish that I had a recorder in my pocket or paper and pencil to take notes because it will take me 10,000 years of studying to learn on my own what they know. I LOVE TEMPLE WEDDINGS! I am so glad I have received my gift and that I can go to these weddings!

This first wedding was in CO and the sealer, the man that performed the wedding, was blowing my mind with the connections he was making about things in the Book of Mormon. After the wedding I hung out with some friends for New Years Eve. Just a disclaimer - boys are so strange. I guess that having one brother that was busy studying dinosaurs and writing make believe stories didn't really give me a taste of real boys. So this hang out involved playing violent video games and guns. I have never been punched SO many times for NO reason. boys must not realize that girls are breakable and that they don't stand a chance in wrestling and fighting. And then awkwardly there was one of these:

Modern Family - Sports Guy Chest Bump Link

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TWs59a0zQnE

why he thought i would be interested in a sports guy chest bump? no idea.

ME: um...let's not ever do that again.
BOY: do what?
ME: um. chest bump.
BOY: that wasn't a chest bump. that was a belly bump. LAUGH LAUGH.
disclaimer: /BOY may have used stomach in stead of belly as belly isn't really manly.../
ME: ---speechless---

While i have received my spiritual endowment I am clearly lacking in the physical/chest endowment. Thank you video game playing, football loving, testosterone filled boy for pointing out that my chest is still one to be hoped for. I guess the hope chest I inherited from my grandma is foreshadowing my future - empty. I'm guess I will go buy a new "barely A" bra as we speak. jerk. hahahahaha

A letter to my MT

2010-12-10T16:11:00.000-05:00

Dear Muffin Top,

I am not really sure when exactly you attached yourself to my body. Was it when I ate a whole bowl of brownie dough for breakfast? Was it the cheeto puffs? Or maybe it was a few weeks ago when I was jolted awake in my sleep to the sound of my metabolism screeching to a halt. Well, you should go away. I don't like you. You are bad company. You make all my clothes look bad and nobody likes you. I don't care if I hurt your feelings.

Never Yours Truely,

Kate

Life Goals

2010-12-01T17:16:00.000-05:00

Sometimes we need to go back to our roots. Fabulous lyrics

Upper Middle Class White Trash

Let's Give Thanks

2010-11-22T21:42:00.000-05:00

I am so THANKFUL I could give myself an extra two day vacation! My classes got cancelled last week due to too many sick people.....the class as a whole was really confused because only one person was sick. Really - I am one NOT to complain about not having to go to school. You might be confused and be wondering, "Why would you go to grad school if you don't like school?" Well, I am not opposed to getting smarter; I just LOVE vacationing and not doing whatever I want!! So I just hoped a plane to Wadsworth, IL to see EMILY, AVA, KASEN & BABY GIRL! We played a game where everybody drew a card with a letter on it. Then you said something you were thankful for! With every letter Kasen drew he said: "J" starts with cows, horses and monsters. Ava was thankful for Cats, her Nose and Nests, Octopus and her Lungs. She also asked me if I was "nocturnal". She was a little confused as to why I would sleep when it was day time! HAHA I wasn't even napping, it was only like 9AM. My favorite part of tonight was when Kasen, quietly said that we were thankful for my first boyfriend!!! WHAT? BAHAHAHA I guess I never really gave the right thanks to my first boyfriend - it ended in a dramatic drawn out breakup - but luckily Kasen has a good attitude! Maybe if I ever see him again and make eye contact before being able to RUN away I will tell him gracias. OH Kase!

"It's happening people"

2010-10-28T12:36:00.001-04:00

See and download the full gallery on posterous

Posted via email from bigbellylaugh

Isn't that called LIFE?

2010-10-22T15:37:00.000-04:00

I just saw this on the right hand column of ads while perusing facebook, hereafter referred to as FB. It evoked a feeling of mild confusion. I refer not to the Puerto Rico Gifts! although how great/creepy is it that somehow FB knows I used to live there. BUTT its the picture of the girl in the red shirt. (I am dying to know how her swoop got so swooped.)

live out your dreams in 3D....

clicking on the link takes you to smeet.com
PERKS: free registration - why would i pay to live vicariously through an avatar? accesories - get something to hang out on your shoulder. ex: parrots, goblins or an angel.

PROBLEMS: hygiene - no where does there exist a group of people that large with straight, white teeth except maybe California. i forsee this increasing the amount of betrayal people will feel when "weezy321" (he's really on smeet) and "giggle" (also now on smeet) decide to stop flirting via cutesy emoticons and avatarian hugs/hand holding and go on a real date. and by real date i mean SKYPE DATE. (real dating died with the roladex. proven fact.)

SKYPE DATE: a nerdy/techy way to date. similar to a phone call with a camera.

and it might happen before then - the feeling of betrayal - when the become friends on FB. eventually one of them is going to see an actual photo of the other and massive amounts of betrayal will over whelm them. WHY? because nobody on SMEET is pudgy. 2/3 of american is considered obese. i have nothing against weighty people. but if the only six pack you have is aluminum and recyclable and you don't got no teeth! i am going to be angry. very angry and betrayed. as will you, because there wasn't an option for really flat chest and mildly hairy legs when I made my avatar.

"What dimension (D) am I living in right now?" I thought. a lot of movies are in 3D and i think, i could be wrong, that my life is step or two above that. I am going to choose 5D - add one dimension for not being on a screen and one more to account for the mess inside my cranium commonly known as "brain"....

I kind of see this as video games gone computer. Is this REALLY that much different than HALO? different motive is all really. I suppose that if a typically violent person switched from HALO to SMEET and (assuming video game content correlates to delinquent acts) and scattered hammocks, lounge chairs and some "shrimp from the barbie" across the campus instead of shot gun shells and shrapnel that people would be a lot happier.

Can i predict that i will never log on and become a SMEET member with a sassy avatar body and perky chest or flirt with cutesy emoticons to "vladimir82" while we lounge on beach chairs or shop for new shoulder parrots? NO. but i do plan on not finding fulfillment and meaning in life on SMEET. I feel happy in 5D.

even i amaze myself sometimes.

2010-10-12T10:12:00.001-04:00

Lets jointly recall a classic movie line from Dumb & Dumber:

Harry: Just when I thought you couldn't possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this... and totally redeem yourself!

All logistics aside, and recognizing my incompetency in the kitchen and all things that should be plugged into the kitchen outlets, I really out did myself. Just when I thought i thought I could reach some level of competency in the kitchen I go and TOTALLY redeem myself!

I started blending an amazing smoothie, frozen and prepackaged - just add milk. I had put a part from the blender lid in the blender previously. Didn't even cross my mind when I emptied the frozen fruit in or poured the milk. I did wonder why the fruit seemed a little more frozen than normal as there were significant chunks that didn't seem to blend. A taste test mid blend also was a bland warning sign ignored. But upon pouring out my creation, i realized what i had done and everything made so much more sense. seriously though? i think i am missing important cognitive DNA.

Trip-tastic

2010-10-07T19:18:00.000-04:00

Today was basically a trip in the park. As far as I know, I have been using these feet for the last 25 years. so i am completely unsure of why today was such a disaster where walking was concerned. i TRIPPED on the sidewalk, the cement, walking up the stairs, on the grass, and on rocks. not quite enough to fall on the ground and make someone concerned though. just enough to make everyone surrounding me chuckle inside and wonder why the clown got out of the circus :)

Untitled

2010-10-03T22:14:00.001-04:00

West Point vs Temple football game! it may or may not be known that i have no tv. not necessarily because of that, but a contributing factor is that i don't watch sports on tv. FACT: i haven't watched to superbowl for at least four years. FACT: i accidentally bought 36 HUGE rolls of one ply toilet paper from Costco and will be regretting it for the next five months. now all though these facts have nothing to do with each other, they are true. i don't watch football or really care, but i used to when i was a small girl and watched the games with my father. point in case - i much enjoyed the football game! before the game started, they had 5 parachuters drop in and land on the 50 yard line! LOVED IT! also i got some cotton candy! FACT: i love all things sugar.

Posted via email from bigbellylaugh

i almost joined the army. jk

2010-10-03T21:59:00.000-04:00

i luckily found some awesome friends via the YSA (young single adult) group at my church. there are about 10 nannies that meet at my church. most of them are from utah and here for a year or so. this weekend an employer of one of them gave her 3 tickets to a West Point vs. Temple football game! it is about an hour away and we were about ten rows up in front on the 35 yard line.

yes we were the only ones that thought this was a necessary pose.

fist pumpin'

we had to show I.D. to get in.

Alysha sneaking a pic with the football team!

this was the worst smelling mascot ever. clearly the uni had never been washed.

why yes i found the army men's vball team! and i am taller than someone on the team....

we joke a lot about Jersey Shore, the tv series here. they do a thing called the "fist pump" which is just that ...a fist pump, but in much excess. its a very italian/guido thing to do. so instead of making shirts that read -- I (heart shape) Jersey. they read -- i (symbol of a pumping fist) jersey. at the west point game there was little if no trashy people so i was bringing out some of the fist pump to represent jersey!

Re:

2010-09-10T12:35:00.001-04:00

Well officially I have been in New Jersey for 19 days! It is just a fantastic experience and I have lots of stories to share, eventually...Yesterday was Yom Kippur, the Jewish new Year. I am thinking its still continuing with celebrations today because my friends who wear knee length skirts, long sleeves and closed toed shoes (everyday) are not in class. So even though you aren't Jewish, regardless of what my mom thinks. (She thinks everybody is Jewish, like everybody.....crazy lady...love you mom) Lets celebrate too! Do something that makes you laugh so hard you cry! This is probably a generalization, but my Jewish neighbors are riding in style! I saw A LOT of volvo, BMS, SAAB and pricey rides out on streets today that are usually EMPTY. The grandma and little boy with his smashing yamika had just left the synagogue and were walking on the sidewalk in front of me. Happy Yom Kippur :)

See and download the full gallery on posterous

Posted via email from bigbellylaugh

I really would love to learn from my mistakes....

2010-06-17T12:50:00.000-04:00

To say "I am one with the kitchen" is false and deceiving. I am a winner of two step meals, nearly all things other than that end with smoke, swearing and sweat.

Oh but - "Anybody can learn to cook." "You just need to follow a recipe." "Just keep practicing, I couldn't cook either."

The encouragement is great, but really some things don't change. What really is the correct recipe for tomato soup from a can? And my eggs I just attempted for breakfast?

For sheer frustration, I started the cooker.....oh i mean stove on LOW. I started out quite optimistic. Things were really going well until I toasted my toast twice. Why? My butter wasn't melted. The fiasco started - my now burnt toast disappointed me. I could win this. Clearly I will just scrape the burnt off the back of my toast.

Fabulous idea until the melted butted leaped off the bread, landed on my finger immediately burning it. The toast immediately dropped to its death in a bowl of water in the sink.

I did not leave the kitchen victory. end of story.

Kidney Stones

2010-05-20T17:21:00.000-04:00

Once I had a kidney stone knifing the walls of my urethra. I thought about it again today because I had a mystery pain - which I hope hope hope isn't another angry stone. Just educate yourself:

Kidney stones are solid little rocks that are formed in your kidney. The most common causes are dehydration combined with a diet heavy in urates, oxalates, phosphates or carbonates, although they can also be caused by some forms of bacterial infection. Parents who have had kidney stones often pass this amazing ability on to their offspring.

THANKS DAD!

The formation of a kidney stone is not inherently painful, in fact, usually one does not even know it's happening. Only when said kidney stone decides to travel down the ureter do you become VERY AWARE of its presence, because you will immediately WANT TO DIE.

Kidney stone pain is primarily caused by the scraping of the ureter by the stone as it very slowly moves its way through your body. The stone can move either up or down, and unless it continues on its downward journey, it's going to be there for quite a while. The resulting pain has been described as the worst that has ever been experienced by man, and is usually generalized near your side and back. My mother's friend, who is also a mother of 2 described the process of passing a kidney stone as exponentially more painful than the process of childbirth.

Because of the stone scraping against the ureter walls, when a kidney stone is present, urine will usually have traces of blood in it, or could quite possibly be almost all blood.

Another side effect of kidney stones is horrible nausea combined with profuse and frequent vomiting. As the stone travels down (or up) your ureter, it makes the ureter vibrate in such a way as to produce instant nausea and horrible projectile vomiting, no matter what type of food you may have consumed at the time, you're going to see it again. Say hello to Mr. Bile for me, too, if you'd be so kind.

If you are sure that you have kidney stones, your primary care doctor for the ailment will most likely be a urologist.

When you arrive at the urologist, the waiting room will be filled with predominantly old men who most likely have penis problems. They, in turn, will probably see you, and, will assume that you, also, have penis problems.

Usually, a urologist can't really do anything for you except send you off to other places. Usually, they'll send you off to the imaging place to get frequent x-rays and to endure many other forms of torture that involve not eating for a day, and then injecting you with low-level radioactive fluid to take x-ray pictures of your glowing insides.

Once you do this, you bring these pictures back to the Urologist, and he or she will tell you that you indeed, do have a kidney stone. You, your insurance company, or some combination thereof will pay several hundred dollars to learn of this knowledge, with the only problem being that YOU ALREADY KNEW THIS FACT BEFORE SPENDING SEVERAL HUNDRED DOLLARS AND MAKING SEVERAL DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENTS.

If they see that the kidney stone is in a proper place, they may offer you a form of treatment that doesn't really sound appealing at all.

One method of destroying a kidney stone is shockwave therapy. Basically the process consists of surgeon aiming an instrument at your side and blasting it with big shockwave vibrations in order to smash the stone. This usually involves local anesthetic and a hospital, and is the better of the two common procedures used.

The second method is horrible, and some sort of masochist must have made it up for fun on his lunch hour or something.

In the second method, you are put under general anesthetic, at which point they take a very long stretched out hanger like device and jam it into your urethra like a pipe snake. Next, they wiggle it all the way through all of your internal tubing until the kidney stone is reached, and then yank it out. You are under general anesthetic, so you will most likely not feel the brunt of the pain, but I've been told by the Urologist that everything hurts quite a bit when you wake up.

But at this point, it's not over. Apparently, when you stick a hanger like device into the urethra, the urethra reacts badly and decides to close up as to never be violated again. Your urethra is smart, much smarter than you in fact. This is very very bad, because, hey, you need it for stuff. So, the only way to prevent this from happening is to insert a straight plastic tube into the back of your urethra to prevent it from closing and to keep it functioning. THEN YOU GO HOME FOR A WEEK.

You go home with the tube in! YOU HAVE A BIG PLASTIC TUBE IN YOUR URETHRA! You have to walk around with a big plastic tube in your urethra! You have to sit down with a big plastic tube in your urethra!

If someone asks you what is wrong, you can say, I HAVE A BIG PLASTIC TUBE IN MY URETHRA!

If everyone on earth spontaeously dies, you will still have A BIG PLASTIC TUBE IN YOUR URETHRA, and no way to get it out.

It's plastic! It's a tube! It's in your urethra!

That can't possibly be good on any level.

I Have Some Really Exciting News!!!!!

2010-05-05T00:26:00.000-04:00

No husband.

No baby.

No new pets.

Yes mild astigmatism, but that's neither here nor there.

I have been working on graduate applications. Mostly I messed them up, mailed them too late (on accident) or wrote down the wrong deadline days. Fortunately, there was a small Christmas miracle and I got accepted into Seton Hall University! Tentatively I will be driving across America in August which is probably my biggest concern seeing as I hate car rides and usually fall asleep by Pocatello....

My Dad Works Harder Than Your Dad

2010-04-27T20:04:00.000-04:00

I seriously love my dad the most. I am gifted with humor that almost always makes him laugh, regardless of circumstance. Sometimes, I will admit, it doesn't work - I drive him crazy and he punches me. Jk, but seriously he does. Sometimes he takes out his hearing aids and just keeps walking into his lair (aka bedroom) to watch american idol or a western.

I was neve r one to really get down and dirty on the farm. I put my fingers into places they shouldn't go and then I also broke things. BUTT I always wanted to go to work with my dad. Today, I just went and hung out for one hour while he was working. : )

As what???

2010-04-06T01:10:00.000-04:00

I am not going to lie - the front desk lady is not classy. Yes, she does get her nails did for tax season, but boy is she SASSY. I think some people in the office are starting to drift into a delusional state as the 15th of April creeps nearer. All things must be taken with a mediocre size of salt and no offense is allowed to be taken.

-I work in a tax office fyi-

Today I was looking for someone that had left for lunch. I couldn't find him. To which FDL -front desk lady - replies: Enrique! He's as useless as a tit on a boar.

It was a mumble and so I started laughing because I knew it would be something sarcastic. Then I thought about it and I don't understand.

BOAR: a wild pig...originally European - making them illegal immigrants - they can't sweat so they roll around in the mud, an uncastrated male swine, the adult of any animal

TITS: self explanatory. talk with an adult if further clarification is needed.

Luckily the world wide web has brought some clarification. Yes, I goggled it.

URBAN DICTIONARY:

Southern slang to describe a person, place, event or item in which there is little or no value; in the same way that tits are of no use on a male hog.

Gosh I don't know why the boss hired that lazy guy to work here, he is as "useless as tits on a boar hog"!

"MYTHBUSTERS" they actually are valuable. click the links to see the truth.....

http://sugarmtnfarm.com/blog/2008/05/useless-as-tits-on-boar.html

http://www.inherentlyfunny.com/funny-543-like_tits_on_a_boar.html

I just needed some clarification and thought maybe you did too.

2010-03-28T23:35:00.000-04:00

FACT or FICTION

FACT: my father and I have been left home since thursday.

FACT: papa foster thinks that the XX chromosome combination is wired to cook and clean.

FICTION: I am a kitchen goddess.

FACT: I think XY and XX should share household duties.

FACT: I stubbornly refuse to "woman-up" to cleaning my house when I know my father is capable of doing the same task, but won't because his it wouldn't hurt his Y chromosome.

FICTION: my father knows how to "clean" and load the dishwasher

FACT: our kitchen counter was entertaining three ants.

FACT: i opened the dishwasher and found a hardened clump of rice COVERED with ants.

FICTION: the attacked me and carried bits of my appendages off to their leaders.

Untitled

2010-03-19T17:27:00.001-04:00

my office chair reclines? innovation at its best!

Posted via email from bigbellylaugh

Untitled

2010-02-18T18:11:00.001-05:00

i work in an office. i watch the office. today i watched the office in my office. my computer doesn't have speakers. today i read the office subtitles while watching the actors. it was still funny. i now consider myself a true fan.

Posted via email from bigbellylaugh

dodge bruise?

2010-02-17T00:40:00.001-05:00

i don't like dodgeball. once i played on an intramural team ONLY because the rule was each team needed two humans with the XX chromosome status (STAY-tus). i would consider playing again in this setting.

Posted via web from bigbellylaugh

2010-02-14T01:30:00.000-05:00

what is happening is, i looked at my blog (something i haven't done for a while) and i threw up a lot in my mouth. gag city and my blog is the mayor. something serious has to change and it will hopefully change before you die so that you can witness it. whatever you do....don't stop breathing.

Under renovation.

2010-02-14T01:29:00.001-05:00

No Lies Here.

2009-11-21T21:53:00.001-05:00

"You will soon be involved in many gatherings and parties." --- Panda Express.

WATCH THIS.

2009-11-16T15:12:00.000-05:00

A big thanks goes out to Mr. Richards who I heard is the new Bishop Richards. May good humor and real love live on forever.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lbh9c0noR4s

There's A Reason I Never Did This.

2009-11-03T20:15:00.000-05:00

High school peaks as boys finally admit they still want to be Superman and they haven't washed their clothes for months while the girls ritualistically fill out journals and write love notes to their friends that aregirls. Girl to girl notes are necessary because boys still haven't learned how to spell anything but their name and maybe ten other words. The amazingness of adolescence is just that - amazing. Amazing that more people didn't die. No offense needs to be taken, trust me. As a self-proclaimed late bloomer, there are some things I didn't experience then. After proclaiming myself a late bloomer, I dated myself. I consider myself about 10 yrs behind social norms. That would make me just on the edge of turning 15 -- maybe I shot high.....

I never had any idea why Big Red gum was so popular. Upon licking the wrapper and placing it on your

forehead, you will experience a mild burning. Quickly following that, it feels as though that square is on fire and someone is poking mad a mounts of needles into your
skin....enjoyable? debatable. i did do it on two different occasions. and i found someone to participate with me. I think next week it will be indian burns and a girl fight with lots of slapping. thank you for following my life as i journey toward maturity.

The Day the World Changed.

2009-10-24T14:04:00.001-04:00

I think this should be considered a moral dilemma. My mamma has a facebook account and wants to be my friend via the world wide web.

Flashback: The year was 2008, it was the end of January. I sat anxiously in a florida airport with my mother and father. I was anxious because I was leaving my "mission." Maybe one day more can be explained about the mormon secrets of missionary work, lets just say for now, its a CRAZY lifestyle, almost a culture in its own. I felt like a lost indonesian waterpot painter. everything that had been comforting to me for the last 1.5 years was gone. It wasn't that people speaking english was strange - they have those types in Aruba. It was this isolating mass of technology that surrounded EVERYBODY, putting each person in their own sphere of life. I kind of felt invisible, nobody wanted to talk, let alone change their life.

Aruba is a place technology, don't get me wrong. I used a computer. I drove a car. I used a cell phone. I didn't text. I didn't comprehend the concept of YouTube. I hadn't matched my clothes for a long time, or in fact seen people wearing remotely "fashionable" clothes or makeup for possibly longer. My dad didn't know how to type on a keyboard and frequently my mom the computer was broken if the power button was on but the monitor got turned off.

1.5 years is a long time right? Yes and No. Things happen, but generally nothing that you can't get caught up on after returning. "You think you are going to miss a lot, but nothing really changes. You'll see when you get back." Its a cop-out, a scape-goat you're told before leaving by others that have gone, so you don't chicken out and hide in fetal-position in your closet while the family loads up in the car to lead you on the trail of tears to the Provo MTC. You see, being a mormon missionary is amazing - amazingly hard. Nearly impossible to define in the english language. Its soaring highs followed by smashing mutilating lows, physically, mentally, emotionally and psychologically. Maybe imagine being a paraplegic and being given the task of moving a wood pile across the yard. SOO adventurous right? Well you actually think so, and you enter into this delusional state for most of your time. The ironic part is, I would go back hands down at any given moment!!!!!

So back to the airport. I feel confused, lost. The mamma is unbelievably overjoyed that we are back on American soil. "Lets tell all the girls we got her!" I think that maybe a phone call is coming soon. Nothing. Looking over at the parents, I see them squinting at small square objects that produce awkward beeping noises. "What in the world?" My dad keeps poking at the screen as if the screen understands....how primitive is he?

"Oh dang it. Boyd, how do you put in those punctuation marks?" asks the mamma.

"Here, let me show you," replies the father.

I sat watching all of this in a stupor. Then it hit me -- my parents were sending mass texts. My head starting spinning, my palms got sweaty, i couldn't swallow because "cotton mouth" was filling up my mouth and clinging to my windpipe. GASP!!! it was a struggle for air. survival. when and how did my parents collide with technology??? who sat them down for HOURS and explained concepts and patiently helped them over and over again? my neck started itching, the world was closing in. my dad had NEVER known something about technology that i hadn't taught him.

newsflash: people lie. i came home and everything had changed. my dad wakes up in the morning, checks his email and watches youtube videos before work. my mom's arm is morphing into a mouse (the computer kind). and i still can't figure out how to use his iphone, 1.5 years later. and then the mamma goes and does something like makes a facebook account. and I am in the moral dilemma - do you add your mom as a fb friend?

anxiety is overpowering my thoughts. will she know if i reject? who rejects their mom? what pictures do i delete? what friends do i ask to censor themselves? what if she adds my boyfriend? what if she figures out chat? what if my friends chat with her and not me? i think i am hyperventilating....the world is closing in.....i need to lay down. the world is changing and i can't handle it.....help....

That's a long time.

2009-09-29T00:39:00.000-04:00

FACT: most people spend 90% of their time indoors. Thats 21.6 hours. Don't believe me? Test it out.

12:00-7:30 AM APT (SLEEPING/GETTING READY)

7:30-7:42 AM WALKING

7:43-8:45 AM CLASS

8:45 - 8:53 AM WALKING

8:54- 10:03 AM APT (BREAKFAST/NAP 1)

10:04 - 10:14 AM WALKING

10:15 - 11:15 CLASS

11:16 - 11:20 WALKING

11:20 - 12:30 EATING LUNCH ON CAMPUS

12:31- 12:44 THOUGHT ABOUT BEING INSIDE TOO MUCH, WALKED OUTSIDE AND SAT

12:45 - 1:45 CLASS

1:45 - 1:58 WALKING

1:59 - 3:00 CLASS

3:00 - 3:30 PM TALKING IN BUILDING TO FRIEND

3:31 - 3: 40 WALKING

3: 40 - 4: 45 APT (NAP 2)

4:45 - 4:50 PM DRIVING TO GYM

4:51 - 4:52 JOGGED FROM PARKING LOT TO GYM

4:52 - 6:30 VOLLEYBALL IN GYM

6:31 - 6:32 WALKED FROM GYM TO PARKING LOT

So far that's on 58 minutes outside and the sun is almost going down. I went to Albertson's and drove to Rigby to my cousin's house. So in and out of the car, let's be generous and add 10 more minutes. So I was inside, breathing gross inside air for 22 hrs 52 minutes today! (and i even thought about it and went outside on purpose) There are lots of benefits to being outside...so seriously inventory your life and run to the outdoors!!! but first, put your pants on.

"YOU MAY BE A TALIBAN IF..."

2009-09-23T11:25:00.000-04:00

1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.

2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.

3. You have more wives than teeth.

4. You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon "unclean."

5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

6. You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared Jihad against.

7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.

8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.

9. You've often uttered the phrase, "I love what you've done with your cave."

10. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.

11. You bathe at least monthly whether necessary or not.

12. You have a crush on your neighbor's goat.

Dream Big

2009-08-28T13:02:00.000-04:00

Recently I was thinking about doing something kind of crazy, but I kept talking myself out of it. Then one day I just did it. Yes, I made my bathtub into a new summer escape for Little Mike Mike, Britt, Fish 1, Fish 2 and Fish 3. This is one of Little Mike Mike and Britt's relatives that got into the modeling business early. Regardless, once I almost lost one of the turtles to a tragic field trip to Rigby via the floor of my car that ended with it crawling between the heating vent and the carpet in the back seat. I was shocked and frightened. Everyone laughed because it was day two with their new mother, me. But surprisingly to others and mostly myself, they are still alive somehow. And for that, I honor them with a dream vacation to my tub.

True or False

2009-07-06T22:33:00.000-04:00

This is just a small quiz that you might not know the answer to.

1. You can create a sun tattoo by having a neighboring sun bather make shapes on your back with Gardettos?

2. By the year 2015 it is predicted that 1/2 of Americans will have lifestyle diabetes because of their diets and less active lifestyles?

3. It's ok to not wash your hair for consecutive days in a row if you go swimming.

4. Its better sometimes to just not go to class.

5. Wearing boys clothes makes you feel thinner, even if its a size 16 husky.

6. Trying on a pair of sunglasses at a Lost & Found sale is dangerous if you don't have your contacts in because one eye might be prescription and one eye might be normal?

7. I look good in baseball caps?

8. Fiber bars always give you awkward gas?

9. Procrastinating to buy plane tickets is usually a good idea?

10. If you have one head phone in and are staring at a computer screen laughing you can trick your teacher into thinking you are paying attention to his lecture?

-----ALL QUESTIONS WERE PERSONALLY TESTED BY YOURS TRULY ----

1. True! It was beautiful and I had a tasty treat afterwards : )

2. Disgustingly True. STOP EATING FAST FOOD.

3. True. Its even better if you go out in the dark b/c others can't really see what is going on with the hair.

4. False. It is almost better to always go to class, especially if you have a test coming up, or your teacher takes attendance or you have to turn in a project.

5. True. Husky doesn't mean what it used to. It's like gay - the meaning changed to.....

6. False. When you get home and put in your contacts and then try your glasses on again, it is easy to become confused and feel a little shafted you paid a whole dollar for them.

7. True. I bought one with a short bill and it was the best hat ever. Then I lost it.

8. toot. enough said.

9. False. Plane tickets dramatically increase as the day of departure approaches.

10. False. Teachers are well skilled at body language.

Are you out there?

2009-06-19T00:16:00.000-04:00

Dear Lori,

Sometimes I lay awake at night thinking of humorous things to write on my blog. You might wonder why they never make it here. It is because after I think of them, I fall asleep and don't usually remember in the morning. Lori, I gave my blog a facelift. It felt good. Then I wanted to read about your life, but realized we have never cyperspace-ily connected. I find it atrocious as I hope you do too. We have recently exchanged too many awkward high fives in the Rigby Middle School gymnasium to not be blog stalkers of each other. My secret hope is that we connect online. I didn't put your last name in the salutation. I think you know who you are. If you don't, you can look in the mirror and you will recognize your beautiful peliroja (redhair), that is unless you went crazy like my other friend Britt.

Don't be scared, she is just crazy.

Sincerely,

Kate Foster

I don't have any kids....so I'll blog about someone else's!!

2009-06-16T02:02:00.000-04:00

So it was so fabulous! Last thursday Lacie J Nukaya Osterhaut birthed her second child! Lace and I go back to 6th grade. Wait, actually it was 7th cause that's when Midway Middle united two far away lands roberts and the rest of jefferson county! Somehow Lace and I always ended up cutting our hair the same. This is only strange because we never discussed our haircuts and then we would show up at school with the same trim....then as we got older (high school) we became BFF's. She currently is still holding the title! Please no one else hold resentments or grudges, she is basically awesome so sorry : ) It is kind of funny though, because she is half japanese and people would confuse us all the time, even her mom (Janet/Jeanette) so that is why I secretly want to be Asian looking. I don't think it will ever happen though, mostly because I am already born and I came out caucasian...but also because I despise seafood. It may or may not have something to do with Lacie pulling a bag of squid meat from her underwear drawer and chasing me around her house in Roberts.

Anyway -- Lace isn't one to facebook, email or blog and sometimes she doesn't return phone calls! HA, so with her permission I am letting the world know that TAIDG (pronounced like cage, paige) JEREMY OSTERHAUT was born weighing about 7 lbs and stretching out at 20 inches on thursd

ay June 11, 2009. Lace never toyed with the idea of "natural" childbirth, so she was basically happy and pain free the whole day. She went into ERIMC around 7:30, busted out

a 9 measurement by 2:30 and had a baby by 3:15 approximately. I would propose she has the easiest labor ever. And I say this because she pushed four times and then she had a baby......??? So WELCOME BABY TAIDG!! also pictured - Kaycia and lacie's left half.

2009-05-05T15:15:00.000-04:00

Cinco de Mayo

I know am blogging less and less these days. That will soon change. Today is important - I just saw a girl walk into the library with a 'UGE afro. Like probably covering the area of a cookie sheet. Contain that hair girl! The second is that its a holiday in my book. Cinco de Mayo. In case you are retarded, this is not a celebration of how many tablespoons of condiments (mayo-naise) you get on your subway sandwich. Nor for the uncultured, is it May-o. Pronounced My-O! You could even exclaim it if you wanted!

I am not about to google the celebration and by chance be sorely disappointed that it isn't a real big Mexican celebration. Why? Well, once I went and lived in Guadalajara, Mexico. Many nights, I laid awake so excited at the thought of being able to eat millions of tortilla chips drowning in spicy salsa! Soon after arrival, I realized that chips and salsa are an American thing, rarely served in Legit Mexican restaurants. Sheesh. Talk about a slap in the face. No more information is going to be given besides that, I don't want to taint your visions of beautiful Mexico anymore. Just stay on this side of the border and everything, I mean EVERYTHING will be okay. Except possibly your 401K plan, your children in elementary school being taught that girls marry girls and your budget for gas....

At the fine university of Brigham Young University-Idaho, we are firm believers in religion and acronyms which brings us to a great one - FHE. Last night at the so called FHE, we had a pre-cinco party. It was really a repeat for me, because it was once done years ago with some faithful friends whom I would like to name: Marissa Blackhurst Poulter, Erin Cozean Carter, Lindsie Bowerman. The party starts on the kitchen table with wild dancing. Just kidding. The picture should explain, but its a bean dip with party chips you eat right off your kitchen table and tortilla soup on the side. Besides being amazing and delicious its cool because you clean up by rolling all the wax paper up and chucking it!

God bless all the fiestas. Please don't sip and steer tonight.

2009-03-16T15:33:00.001-04:00

So another successful day in class. A hot topic of gender inequality is really getting people fired up. Are male cheerleaders gay? Are moto-cross girls future lesbians? As we have continued to discuss it is coming down to males having bigger muscles. Except in Canada the girls hockey team wins the boys because they skate better and have a faster paced game. Which actually reminds me of a secret desire I have to visit Canada, eh? One question though - do they make tall, dark and handsome sugar daddies in Canuck-ville? Answer currently unknown.

and by way of google i propose not....eh? Which should segwey into another important concern. My little sister is getting married and requested I bring a date to the wedding....she tried to threaten me by withholding my black cha-cha skirt if I don't. Seriously, who does that?

GMAIL - Genius, Pure Genius

2009-02-24T22:24:00.000-05:00

So I thought I would be so proactive and finally come to an Anat & Phys lab. This is like huge strides for me, because it involves de-procrastination (yes i know that's a fake word) but neither is funner and you probably said that at least twice today. Every monday we have a quiz on what we learned the last monday in lab. I generally study for one hour and a half in my monday break right before class. end of that discussion - I am changing my ways. So I was all pumped and walked into the lab and BAM....it was just me and the lab assitant and a whole bunch of plastic models showing only muscles. umm...weird! so i sat down and logged on to a computer. the lab assistant just stared at me until I asked him why I couldn't log onto the computer and then he informed me it was broken. wow - helpful little bugger. then another she lab assistant came in. One might think this is great and useful, but really I just need to memorize a bunch of muscles, so I didn't really need a lot of help. So the proactive-ness lasted maybe thirty-four minutes before I checked my email, then my blog, then probably your blog and others! creepy i know!

BUTT. I did want to share a sweet gmail factoid with shout outs to Kelli Manwaring. So in gmail you have an option on top left called READER. You can click on that then a little below a box that says - Add a subscription. Simply stated - copy and paste blog websites on there. The point is that you can check the gmail, and see who has updated their blog without visiting all of them. The one downfall is this: (and please don't hold this against Kelli, its not her fault, she is very successful in life and soon to birth a child al natural - so don't get on her case or jump on her back, its detrimental to the child and her self esteem) but when people have private blogs it hasn't worked for me yet. I am not quite sure what happened, but my sister's blog turned into the Rosscos Family blog and I was really confused for a little bit!

Blog #3

2009-02-11T23:32:00.000-05:00

Okay so basically my blog skills peaked quickly after starting my blog and I had to stop for a while. Luckily for my rad friends I am taking some time-o to update my page. So let's start with January. Funny story about January - I was talking to my niece today on Skype (which is um..Amazingly funny) my roommate came in and was in the camera for a second. Ava then asks - Who is your friend? "It's Jen" Oh - just like Jenuary. So now I have a room mate named Jen-uary...HAHA.

The new year start off with a bang. It was such a great bang that now I can't even remember what happened.(I promise there was no intoxication-ing). soon after that I complete 24 years of life. My friend Kate Barnes from Texas informed me its awesome because you are two dozen years old! I totally agree. I celebrated my birth with a good friend, Bri Flint, at a party

celebrating the 80s - our birth decade!!

Yeah i think there is a completely legit reason why the 80s ended. It was hideous. So after the bday I went to a NAHB competition for the architecture department. It was in Vegas!! My first trip to Sin City and I LOVED IT. And at the competition of about 25 teams we WON!!!

Just a sweet pic with the Bellagio water show!!! The above picture is in the Ceasar's palace -- the asian flower gardens!

Then school started - I have early morning class EVERYDAY!! We were in Vegas for one week and I didn't do any homework because our hotel was not that spectacular and the internet didn't work.....try explaining that to your professor - yes, we were in vegas. Technologically advanced and I couldn't get the internet. So after three weeks of only 5 hours a night I totally crashed. It was awesome!

So i think that almost brings us up to today. When I went to the eye doctor because my contacts were blurry and wouldn't focus. To which he told me after extension evaluation - I think you contacts are in the wrong eyes. WOW - talk about hurt pride.

Turtle Turtle!!!

2008-12-09T23:10:00.000-05:00

So I bought two red slider turtles a while back - they are named Sparticus and Little Michael. They are totally awesome. The video is of some of my roommates and a neighbor (the blonde hair girl that coos). At first the turtles were the crazy and so we would put them on the floor to run around....and they were out of control and would get lost in places that were hard to locate. Since the video I have upgraded their living quarters twice and they now live in a mansion 10 gallon tank thanks to davester chapple. The latest scare was just recently when i set them on my kitchen floor so I could clean their tank because it looked like someone poured Mountain Dew in it. Yeah it was disgusting. You would think they would appreciate my kindness as their owner, but no. What did Sparticus do? I turned my back and bam - gone faster than lightning. My friend curtis helped us find him. His escape route - under the stove, in the back corner and then behind a piece of linoleum that was peeling off the wall. Another scare was when we went on field trip to rigby in my car. they tried to commit suicide by jumping off the passenger side seat - so i just put them on the floor. One crazy nut crawled in between the cut out of the carpet and the floor heater. I thought that I had killed him, like fried him in my heater. Luckily he was saved.

i'm so close to getting blogger of the year!

2008-11-17T15:05:00.001-05:00

Holy crap - can you believe it? I'm learning how to blog!! So first I decided to update the background to this oh so fabulous christmas design. it was brought to my memory recently that this is my first Christmas for TWO years!!! I LOVE CHRISTMAS and am super excited! so i just jumped to snowy holidays and skipped Thanksgiving; which is totally fine with me because turkeys are weird looking, make annoying noises, have suspicious behaviors and i hate turkey (the food). so basically i feel fine about it.

in my quest for having a great looking blog, i feel a little discriminated. i found that blogging is very family oriented. by this i mean its all about how much i love my husband, my eight hundred kids are so cute, etc. etc. that's fine. i am totally capable of having eight hundred kids.....

WHY I MIGHT NOT GRADUATE

2008-10-31T16:53:00.000-04:00

SPECS CLASS JUST ISN'T SINKING IN MY HEAD TODAY....SO I HAD TO OPT NOT TO PARTICIPATE BUT FIND OTHER ENJOYMENT. I WAS INSPIRED BY A 12 YR OLD GIRL IN CALIFORNIA, WHO HAPPENS TO BE MY CLASSMATES SISTER, SHE HAD A REALLY FUNNY BLOG AND I WANT ONE TWO.